i need you more than anything, and your not here.

It's not fair how much i miss you.

when you get back, im spending as much time as i can with you.
I'm honestly terrified that this is the last time im going to see you, speak to you, hug you, touch you, smile at you, be happy.

I'll stay with you for as long as im aloud.
I actually think I'll lye down on your bed and fall asleep for the time
that im going to be spending with you, I bet you wouldn't even care.

and once i leave, I'll enter the stage of numbness
i don't want to be numb
i don't want to be sad.
i don't want to be angry anymore
im done with it. im done with being angry, im done with being sad
im done with everyone hating me, im done with not being happy

why won't you let me be happy ?

I've given up on speaking, no one bothers to listen to me anyway.

'If you die,' you said, 'So do I,' you said

"Swear I will always be yours and you’ll always be mine."

i want this.

A really cute boyfriend, that would sit and cuddle me, and watch movies/tv shows, even he hated, just because he knows that I like them. That wouldn’t tell me things I like are stupid, and try to turn me against them when he knows that I like them, just because he doesn’t. One that wouldn’t care about spending endless amounts of time with me, and we’d just never get sick of one another. And he’d buy me cute little, cheap cheesy things from the two dollar shop, that mean so much because they’re from him. Someone who wouldn’t have to do anything to impress me, or catch my eye, nor would I have to do the same for him. Someone who never stops being happy, and can make me smile whenever I need it, in any situation. He’d go to enormous lengths just to see me when there was something trying to stop it. Someone who would call me so many cute names, that it seemed like he forgot my name, except for when he told me he loved me. Someone with just that amazing vibe about them, that only I would feel, and he would feel about me. Someone who wouldn’t think I’m weird when I say I want to do something a lot of other people wouldn’t like. And he’d take me places that people wouldn’t know, or think that I’d like to go. Someone that would be so in love with me, that their love would never end, no matter what I did, and I’d feel the same. Who would just sit and hold me, and never ask, or want sex, or anything I wasn’t up for/in the mood for. He’d just love me, for me, and never try to change a thing about me. He’d respect my decisions, and never have to even try to disagree with me. He acts the same as when we’re alone, around whoever else. Instead of seeing some hot chick in the street and staring at her, he’ll glance and put all his attention back onto me. He’ll give me his honest opinion on the way I look, even though he’ll think I’m absolutely beautiful, either way, just so I don’t look silly in public. He’ll play me guitar or piano, and sing along, no matter how terrible a singer he is, just because he’s written me a thousand songs. He wont care about what other people think of me, and his opinion towards me will never change. And he’ll love absolutely everything and anything there is to love about me.

does that even exist ?

Girl; Whats better your life or me ?
Boy; Before i answer that i have a question to ask you.
Girl; What is it?
Boy; Is there any difference between you and my life.

I think im afraid of getting to happy, because when ever i get happy something bad always happens - Charlie Brown.

does anyone else get this feeling ?

Where you think someone’s absolutely perfect, and you'd do anything possible for them, when they don't even realise you like them that much and you can't even think of one single thing that they could possibly do wrong for you to stop feeling the way you feel about them, when you picture yourselves both perfectly together and you get butterflies when they say the cutest things that probably don't even mean anything to them, and just talking to them makes you feel like nothing else matters, and your just so happy.

its quite the worst feeling ever, isn't it.

can't you see im busy, can't you see i don't want to give it to you
can't you see that im actually doing something, i can't just give you it straight away, when you ask for it, you have to wait, your so selfish, you don't even care its mine, you can ask but you have to wait just like how i do, or how i find something else to do. yours is over there, yeah i understand that its slow, doesn't mean you have to take my stuff and my time from me speaking to people i want to speak to because by the time your finished, every ones asleep.

get your own fucking laptop. its mine.
this is the only thing i don't like sharing with anyone.

If i cut off your arms and i cut off your legs, would you still love me anyway? If your bound and your gaged, draped and displayed would you still love me anyway?

Go away!
I won't go without you. he called to her through the window.
Go away! Go away!
The rain dripped from his upper lip. not without you.
I'll kill myself!. she hollered.
Then i'll take your body with me, he said palms against the glass
Go away!
I won't!.

I really miss you.It's just about unbearable, every moment of everyday i think about your absence, and it almost kills me. But of course I'll be with you soon, and I wont have to miss you, and I won't have to know that something, everything, is missing and, that what is here is only what is not here, I kiss my pillow before i go to sleep and imagine it's you. It sounds like something you might do, I know. That's probably why i do it.

I feel like i need everyone so much more than they need me.

these aren't threats this is the truth.

if you try to take me away from this place I'll kick and scream until i lose all feeling in my legs and voice.
I'll never be the same, i wont be the daughter you wanted, i wont care what you think, I'll dress how i want to dress, i'll smoke what i want to smoke, I'll drink what i want to drink, i'll be the daughter you want to kick out but can't because im underage, I'll be the one who just sits on the bedroom floor with the blinds down and the door locked with the screaming music so you won't know if its me or the music screaming, ignoring everything you say, everything you do, I'll be the disappointment, I'll be the one you don't want and im fine with that, but what i want to know is are you fine with taking away everything i want, everything that makes me happy, everything that makes me me.

if you really want to do this, keep taking me away from the place where i belong.
why won't you let me try this out, why won't you let me make my own mistakes,
most of all i want to know is why wont you let me be happy ?

tell me why you don't want me happy ?, is it because your afraid I'll forget about you and not miss you or not stay in contact with you or is it because your just selfish and you want me to be miserable in a place where i hate everything that lives.

i hope you know how much I'll hate you if you take this place away from me.

shut up, why don't you just shut up.

Want me.

if you were to kindly leave me alone, it would be greatly appreciated.

I did this today, It was lovely.

could you just shut up for a five minutes or five hours, a day would be asking to much wouldn't it.
please refer from speaking to me, I don't want to hear or see you at the moment, I don't think i could even handle one sentence out of you right now, I don't think you understand how annoying you are, I can't even remember why i became friends with you again, spending time with you has made me realize how much you haven't changed and how much of the same person you still are, your hair may be longer, you may be taller and skinner but you haven't changed, your still the arrogant annoying friend i used to have in primary school who everyone hated and still hates.

sometimes you have to be apart from people you love,but that doesn't mean you love them any less, sometimes it even makes you love them more.

We all do the same things time over time again- we lie, we steal, we cheat and the pattern repeats.
No one's going to learn their lesson because it's not a lesson if you keep going back and doing the same thing. I've recently noticed how some of my friends are going back to the person who treated them badly, the one who actually never cared about them, the ones that's just using you... why would you do that to yourself again and again, just to end up the way you did before? Yeah he made you happy when you were with him, but what about the time when he didn't care about you and about how you were feeling or about how they mentally hurt you so much that you couldn't trust another person for months on end, are you willing to do that to yourself?

So its not gonna be easy, It's gonna be really hard, but I wanna do that because I want you, I want all of you, forever, you and me, everyday.

betrayal

how could you do this to me.

you make me feel good about myself, like no one else does.
you make me want to achieve at things i never thought i would ever be able to do.
you make me feel so happy when im around you yet at the same time worried about how much more time i have left with you, you make me feel like nothing matters, and i know your right because when im with you nothing does matter.

guess i meant nothing to you, like everyone else i've ever come in contact with.

I'm sorry I'm a mistake,I'm sorry I'm a disappointment, I'm sorry.

I need you more than i could ever of expected.
this is going to be harder than i expected, this is going to hurt more than last time, this is going to be much harder to survive.

Because nothing sucks more than feeling all alone; no matter how many people are around you.

I'd rather have you how i have you now, than not have you at all.

You'll never know how much i want to be yours, I can't do that, I can't do that to this friendship, I can't do that to myself, I can't do that to you, you of all people, I just can't as much as i want to be yours, I'd rather have you now as i do then have you none at all.

I hate the world, hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones. Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things and then I hate myself for realizing that

forget the fears, forget everything someones ever told you, forget all your mistakes, forget all your regrets, forget all your memories,forget all your promises, forget being you, if we did this, maybe just maybe our lives would be complete for if we have nothing, we have nothing to have.

Your pathetic, there's no other words to describe you, utterly pathetic.

I'm afraid we don't want the same things,
I'm afraid you don't want me the same way i want you
I'm afraid once im with you, im not going to be able to let go
I'm afraid as soon as you say goodbye, its going to mean something more to me than it does to you
Most of all, I'm afraid, I'll loose you.

I want all of you, you and me forever.

It's hard to wait for something when you don't even know if your going to get it -- But you still wait because your afraid if you don't try you wont get what you want and spend the few extra hours of your life with the one you love.

you promised, guess it was just another lie i believed.

"Why can't you believe a lie and not the truth"
"It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that."

"I felt like I was trapped in one of those terrifying nightmares, the one where you have to run, run till your lungs burst, but you can’t make your body move fast enough."

You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.

I need you to stick with me threw this, i need you to be with me, i need to be near you, close to you, hugging you, even if it is for a short amount of time,i need to be near you, i need you so much right now, You have no idea.
I'm afraid once im with you, i don't think I'll want to leave. this is going to be another hard thing to get through,
i guess that's how it always is, I'm happy,i don't have to fake a smile or fake a laugh, i don't have to be something else, they accept me for who i am, not how i act or what i look like. its nice.

I want to be yours and everything more.

I always wished I could be a Russian Doll. A red one. With a big pair of bright blue eyes and painted on eyelashes and pink rosy cheeks. Really rosy. And my mouth would be painted on red like a bow. I’d have a flower on my chest - a rose - and two small little hands by my side. And then I could be un wrapped, two, three, four times until I was small. Really small.

Cassie: Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before... try and keep that feeling, because... if it goes... you'll never get it back
Chris Miles: What happens then?
Cassie: You lay waste to the world... and everything in it.

yes i put things up here that i do not write.
have a problem, and tell me to get it off here and i will.

and when i die, you'll find letters that i've written about you, some will be bad, some will just be a sentence, and some will be 7 pages long, im going to be remembered, not because I was famous, or popular, ill be remembered by the ones who loved me and the ones who will miss me, that's actually all that matters to me, but then it gets me thinking, who actually does love me, and who actaully will miss me, sometimes i want to fake my own funeral just to see who would come but then i come back to reality and i realize no one would show up.

never in my life have i ever wanted to get out of here so fast then right now,
just 10 more days and i'll be gone, gone for good hopefully.