Monday, November 30, 2009

If i told you i love you, would that be enough.
you a disgusting little thing, i don't see how someone could of created you, you make me want to throw up, your not scary your just disgusting and ugly, your a filthy pest, you need to be extinct, no more to rome this world, no more screams of disgust, no more sprays, no more, you need to be gone, why were you put on this earth, to freak us out ?, you've done your job, go away
after all your just a crockcroatch,
I'd never seen so many of you intill i moved here, this is one more thing that makes me want to leave and never come back, filthy things live in filthy places, your just another one of them.
maybe im not just speaking about crockcroathes, maybe im speaking about these people in this god forsaken hell hole, but really the only thing you can call these people are crockcroatches, it describes them so much in one word.
"In ten years, you'll look back and wonder, what if I stuck with him, and you'll never know what could of happened."
"Maybe."
"You can tell by the way he looks at you, he likes you."
"
Maybe."
"And the way he talks about you, he cares about you."
"But, he loves her."

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love and yet it makes you the happiest you've ever been.


And i don't want to fall to pieces, i just want to sit and stare at you.
why wont you love me, is there something wrong with me, why can't you feel the same way i feel about you, is there something wrong with me, why can't you see how much i love you, why can't you see how much im longing to be in your arms, i hold onto your goodbye hugs because i know that's all im ever going to get. why won't you love me.
i don't mind being alone, but its the thought of being alone until i die, that gets me scared, i guess I'll have to suck it up, its not like anythings going to change.

its crazy right ?
to love someone who's hurt you.
its crazier to think that someone who hurt you loves you.
but i guess it hard to give up on something,
especially when its everything you ever wanted.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

if you love something, you shouldn't stop just because someone doesn't like what you've done.

Friday, November 27, 2009

some days are harder than others.
some days I can't even think.
some days I can't eat or sleep.
some days I can't even leave my bed.
some days I feel like giving up.
some days are okay.
some days I don't even cry.
some days I don't miss you as much.
some days I don't need to fake a smile.
some days I almost feel happy again
some days i know i will be okay.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

He was a beautiful man.
Kat: A Fender Strat? Is this for me?
Patrick: Yeah. I thought you could use it. You know, when you start your band. Besides, I had some extra cash, you know. Some asshole paid me to take out a really great girl.
Kat: Is that right?
Patrick: Yeah, but I screwed up. I fell for her.
Kat: Really?
Patrick: It’s not every day you find a girl who’ll flash someone to get you out of detention.
Kat: You can’t just buy me a guitar every time you screw up, you know.
Patrick: Yeah, I know. But then, you know, there’s always drums and bass and maybe even one day a tambourine.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


he can make me laugh, when i don't want to speak to anyone else.

My Dearest Allie,
I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us.
I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real.
And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives,
I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees,
learning from each other and growing in love.
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more,
that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me.That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you.
I’ll be seeing you. Noah
i'd like to have a place like this.
if I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. do you see ?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

When the fox hears the rabbit scream, he come's a runnin'... but not to help.
With tears rolling down my face and thoughts racing through my mind,
I'm finding it hard to find the words to describe how i feel right now.
I feel as if i can't do anything right and as a result I'm slowly going to loose everything and everyone,I wish you could just give me a chance to prove you i didn't start this,
This feeling of frustration and self hatred just keeps getting stronger.

Monday, November 23, 2009

and here it comes again, the anger the sadness the needing, go away, i don't want this,i didnt ask for this, leave me alone!
sometimes i start to think that i could actually enjoy my life here, and then this happens, and i want to run away, never to come back, im glad this is actually going to happen, you can't stop me next year, i can leave, you can't stop me, never to see your faces again, this would make me so happy.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Saturday, November 21, 2009

i can't bare to miss you this much.
for the first time, i feel special.

thing feelings starting to go away.

Friday, November 20, 2009


So sing me a song I know all the words to
And I’ll sing along Could you be my savior?
I’ve been out here too long
And I’ve just been lookin’
for somewhere to belong Been holdin’ on
,
So can you save me now?


in the end, everything became beautiful and nothing hurt.
"What are these scars from" she asked.
“They’re battle wounds,” I replied.
She looked at me for a long time. “Who were you battling?”
"Myself"

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

People fear death even more than pain. It’s strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over.
— Jim Morrison

Monday, November 16, 2009

I see the pictures and i hear the words and i want nothing to do with it, and yet i want everything to do with it at the same time, my ribs start hurting and its getting to harder to breath, i don't even want this, but im to scared to not want it, im not even sure what im writing about anymore, all i know is that its to hard for me to breath around you anymore, i need to escape.

i can't deal with your problems anymore.I don't intend on doing this but I'm going to start letting you down, because i honestly don't know what to say anymore to help you, i can't even help myself.

Friday, November 13, 2009

"In ten years, you'll look back and wonder, what if I stuck with him, and you'll never know what could of happened."
"Maybe."
"You can tell by the way he looks at you, he likes you."
"
Maybe."
"And the way he talks about you, he cares about you."
"But, he loves her."
Every mile makes me feel so far away. You are the only thing that helps me sleep at night. Another city and I tell you that we're on our way. I know I used to think that you were by my side. You have changed and I know that so have I. This is the only way for me to say good-bye. Another week and we'll be in the same bed at night. If that's too far from now I'll have to cut my ties. Just because I'm so alone; doesn't mean I can't miss home. I'm tired of crying, tired of sleeping alone. If this is how you want it, I am moving on.
I don't get scared of horror movies,snakes and spiders and all of the things were supposed to get scared off, I've realized i get scared of affection, cuddles and kisses and being something to someone,i think its mainly just the part of meaning something to someone because i think I'm actually quite terrified of someone leaving me,even if they said they wouldn't i know they would or i would most certainly let them down to many times to count and yet i still want to be something to someone.
and all i can taste is this moment,
and all i can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later it's over
i just don't want to miss you tonight.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

i need a smoke, i need to breath.
these things are easier said than done.
i feel like these two people at the same time.

What do you want from me.

i want someone who thinks im amazing and can't understand why they love me but will do it nevertheless.
"what do you want to be when you grow up"
"happy" she said smiling
"i don't think you understand the question"
"i don't think you understand life"
I miss you very, very much. Since the last time we were together, and no doubt about it i will hold onto that memories for years to come. I’ve been turning it over and over in my mind lately. I’ve read your letter through at least three - four times, and will probably read it more times before I’m through. I’ve been sitting here, looking at your picture and getting more homesick every minute. I’ve wanted that picture more than anything else I know of, except, of course, you yourself. I keep thinking of you, wishing I could be home with you, but things don’t look so good on that subject. But this war has ruined a lot of things for everyone, I guess. I’ve never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now. I’m completely lost without you. I never realized I could miss any one person so much. I just hope it won’t be too much longer until I’m able to be with you again… living a sane and normal life.
the worst way to miss someone is to have them sit right next to you and know you can never have them
you can't change me, you can't change how i feel, or what i look like, you can wish all you want, but the thing is,Ii am me, you are you, would you change if i asked you to ?


all these three look so good right now.

some of us, do not have this choice.
i've brought this on myself.
if you would kindly fuck off, it would be greatly appreciated.

i just want to be someones someone, i don't care if its for 5 minutes or five hours, i just want that.

Monday, November 9, 2009


i may have to try this one day.
sometimes its easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings, sometimes its easier to try and make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again,sometimes its easier for me to be numb towards certain people so i don't let them get to close, sometimes I'm scared,but when i act numb towards you it doesn't mean i don't care, it means i care to much.
There goes my hero,Watch him as he goes.
in the end, everyone's left behind.
We all learn to make mistakes and run from them.
Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
and i miss you more than ever.
You have enemies? Good. It means you stood up for something good in your life.
"i understand"

"uh,no you don't"
I'll never be the person whose worth one single breath, one word or one minute of there precious time

Saturday, November 7, 2009

congratulations, i hate you.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I feel nothing, its just like before.
It's all my fault.
Sorry.