It hasn't hit me yet, i honestly don't think i could handle it if it did.

Im not Afraid of you.

no matter how many times i say this, i can't bring myself to believe it.

if only this was possible.

Can i count on you if i fall apart ?

Obviously i can't because if i fell apart, you weren't there for me when i was together.

"Oh hey, you still do exist"

"Oh,did you forget that i was alive?

In the end, were lucky to even merely just exist,some of us don't even have this option

oh the joy of rejection

GO AWAY, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU, IT WAS BETTER WHEN YOU WEREN'T AROUND, GO AWAY, I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, GO AWAY, IM BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU, GO AWAY, I HATE EVERYTHING YOU'VE PUT ME THREW, GO AWAY, IM BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU.

its amazing how your mood can change in an instant.

"Lovely,isn't it"
"what"
"Life" he said.

i already know the answer to this.

I HATE YOU!.

I thought best friends are supposed to stick by each other threw everything.
shit, someone got that horribly wrong.

I'd like to be your everything, thanks.

Love doesn’t walk away. People do.

I think

the reason I haven’t been posting anything written by myself is because I think I’m too afraid to dwell in my own thoughts, even for just a second.

it's amazing how a song can relate to what we've been feeling all night.

Don't you dare leave me.
Don't you dare break your promise.

unfortunate

your the only thing that keeps me going.

fuck this time and place.

there you happy, i said it, i know im most certainly not.

I don't love you unconditionally anymore

tell me I'm worth it.

i have no accomplishments, only scars and bruises to provide you with.

Yes i hate you, whats your point.

tonight is this feeling.

get me out of here. i can not breath, even with the deepest breaths i take.

I was on the bus last night, and it felt like everyone was watching me, and i couldn't of cared one bit, not about my top falling down, not even about my hair or how my face looked.

Everything feels so unreal,i sit here with my friend and nothing seems to be real, after all life is imaginary.

Im not scared of you.

And if my lungs still let me breathe,
Will you be there for me?

someone find or buy me this ring ^-^

I'm becoming everything i never wanted to be.

Waiting,Watching,Waiting.

how did we let it get like this.
how did we let it get this far.
how did we not notice this was happening.

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way youre always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when youre not around, and the fact that you didnt call. But mostly I hate the way I dont hate you, not even close
not even a little bit not even at all.

I'm done with you.

you can't change me.

Why are you trying to take everything away from me
you took my happiness
you took my freedom
your now taking my friends,
HERE TAKE THEM, IT'S OKAY I ONLY NEED THEM,
ITS NOT LIKE THEY MATTER,ITS NOT LIKE I DON'T LOVE THEM OR DON'T CARE FOR THEM.
I DON'T WANT THEM,I DON'T WANT YOU, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING OR ANYBODY.

i just want to go home.

I feel like someones watching me constantly,Waiting for me to slip up, waiting for me to fail,waiting for me to crash and burn, falling to my knees not able to get up again.

Waiting, Watching.

yes i miss you, whats your point.

I sit here finding new bruises,burns and marks on my arms and legs that i don't even remember getting because i am numb to everything.

we've grown up to fast.

being myself isn't enough anymore, so fuck you, fuck life, fuck everything.

breath.

i have to remember to do this.

I miss the days when growing up was still a game, and life was what we made it.

for a moment there, i forgot where i was and who i am, It was nice.

my bestfriend.

You mean so much to me ash, I dont know what and where i'd be without you. Sometimes its me and you against this world, other times its me and you against eachother in this world. We're such different people, but thats what I think makes us such good friends, the difference between us makes us become so much closer, the fact that we dont have to always agree on the same thing, have the same views on the world, like the same clothes, or music we're just happy being our silly selves. You've been such an amazing friend to me, sticking by me at times when I have been at my worst.Talking me through situations when you yourself had no clue what to do. But the thing I love most is we can spend time together, be doing absolutely nothing, saying absolutely nothing but still enjoy each others company. I'll never let you out of my heart, but I dont actually think I ever could. You mean the most to me ash and nothing will ever change that I couldnt ask for anyone better to call my best friend.

I miss the way you'd listen to my dreams and thoughts. I miss the way how we could tell eachother everything no matter how embarressing,sad or horrible. I miss the way how we'd watch the O.C for hours and not say anything at all and yet i felt like it was the best conversation i ever had with you. I love the way how we never used to fight and I love our inside jokes. I miss that i could tell you anything, and never doubt that you might tell someone else. I love the way i could be myself around you, never having to pretend. You were like my second bestfriend. I love how i can just call you at any time and you don't even get mad. I love how I can ask you anything and you would never not once judge me, I love that after everything i've put you threw with me, i can still call you my second bestfriend.

doing this does not help.

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know,"Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

'if you're leaving again, then you're leaving again,
and when you're gone,theirs nothing i can do about it.
i feel nothing anymore, so just keep walking away.
step after step,
i'll watch you for every second that you leave, and never not once will you look back'

I know this feeling, all to well.

It's like a huge hole has been ripped and torn through my chest.

I'm frightened of the rage inside of me,
what it would look like when it comes out,
if i will still be here to watch its departure.

slut.

I am not this, i do not do this, please re-frame from calling me this

take me with you.

Intill my heart stops beating.

just once I want someone to tell me everything's going to be okay
I want you to lie to me, like i lied to you and tell me everything's going to be okay
but you won't will you, because you want to see me alone and scared.
The only place i feel safe is when im with you, and now they're trying to take this away from me.
i wont let them, i can't let them do this.

I remember this day so clearly, like It could of been yesterday. I don't remember it in the sense of i know what we did and where we went, I remember it in the way that this was the day that it became clear that i could truly trust you,it became clear that you would always be there for me,and i didn't have to be afraid anymore of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing, shes kept loving me even when I didn't love myself. Allana, I've told you things no one wants to hear and yet your still here showing me that your not going anywhere, I don't think you will ever truly know how much you honestly mean to me Allana Morris, i love you and miss you so much.

Someone buy me these c:

And tonight, I welcome death with open arms

Oh hey, you do still exist.

these are just words, they don't mean anything
so whats the difference between writing them and saying them.

We can't do anything to change the past anymore once its happened,
but why should we care about what we do anyway, we're just going to gradually be forgotten and die.

we wish for things that we can not have.

my kind of happy

one day, i just want it to be about me,
i know that sounds really selfish but if you knew the things i've been threw lately
you would want it aswell, maybe in December when i go away and am truly happy
Maybe just maybe my best friends will care enough to have one day all day with me,
just me and them, it would be my kind of perfect where everything goes not according to plan
but i don't care because Im Happy and Im with my best friend.

I don't like telling people my feelings
it makes me feel so weird and open, i like being some part secret
but sometimes just sometimes, i want to take off the mask and
see if people even notice, I've been doing this for the past four hours,
no one has asked whats wrong, Maybe Im right, Maybe they don't care anymore.
i know my parents don't, They have given up on me, speaking to me, listening to me,everything concerning me, they just yell and don't listen.
Yes i have problems, No im not going to tell you
Yes i have problems, No i don't trust you enough
Yes i have problems, No you can't know because if you knew you would leave.
Yes i have problems, whats it concern you, its my life.

im nobody.

Would anyone even notice if i just disappeared
never to speak to anyone again
never to sign into msn
never to make another phone call
or open my mouth.
I am nobody, this is me
this is who i am, I really can't be bothered changing this.

I don't fit in
im not pretty
im not skinny
im everything you fear
im my own worst night mare
Its clear im worth nothing when im standing next to you.

Its clear that i don't mean much to anyone.
Its true that i am alone, I need someone
thing is, no one wants me or needs me.
the world would be better if i wasn't here.

i want to leave this place never to come back forgetting everything thats happened here and disapear ; if only this was possible.

I'm not the person i used to be anymore.

I don't want to become this.

This is slowly disappearing

Were slowly and quietly running out of this.