The silence scares me because it screams the truth.
I'm alone.

just once, I want to mean something to someone.
just once, I want to be able to keep a promise
just once, I want to be the reason you smile
just once, I want to be the reason you laugh
just once, I want to be the reason you wake up
just once, I want to be yours.

And so we realize no one will ever be with us forever
so we choose to ignore our true feelings and walk away from what was supposed to happen
and walk into the dark not knowing what the fuck where doing, we choose to go off our own paths
not because we don't want the life we have or not because we don't want to tell that one person our true feelings, We do this because were not one hundred percent sure if its going to work out as well as we want it to, So we block out our feelings and ignore our instincts and it gradually and slowly goes away.

This is how i feel.

words.

its amazing how one little word can effect us for life.
it stays in our brain, telling us that others don't want you aswell
because everyone else has gone, so We don't get to experience the new friendship that comes along.
we dwell in the thoughts of our old friendship and what we had and slowly become insane.

so what if we just kept walking,would we disappear ?
so what if we just kept walking, would we conker everything we've been afraid of.
so what if we just kept walking, would we be afraid that no one would follow us.
so what if we just kept walking, would you be scared because it was your choice on your own.
One day when I'm old enough, I'll walk.

dreams.

Some times i feel like im in a dream,and my dream is my worst nightmare but then i realize that im actually not dreaming and that my the dream itself is my life, so what if this is trying to tell me something, Are our dreams our life and our life dreams or are we just a figment of imagination that our brains have created so we don't get too bored and are designed to live long enough in till we do actually get sick & bored of waiting for something that's not going to happen so we just leave this place.

the end.

Where are we supposed to go after all this is over ?
do we just no exist, do we just fall off the face of the earth.
does everyone that we've ever been friends with begin to forget who we were.
What is our purpose, Its funny I used to think that us being created on this earth was so that we could live long enough to create someone else but how are we going to do that if we keep destroying the earth, it really makes you think, will we be alive long enough to see the world and what its made for.

sometimes i wish i was a little kid again, so i didn't have to care as much as i do now.

speak.

we get told to speak our mind right,but when we open our mouths and tell everyone
what we think we get shut down and told to be quite,
Why should we speak our minds
if all we get is told time after time to be quiet and not speak but then why are you constantly telling us to speak our minds,but yet you shut us down and make us do the complete opposite, then you complain about how no one wants to learn in school anymore, how no one wants to put there hand up for the answer.

nightmare.

I live in a nightmare.
no, its not a bad dream nightmare, although it sure feels like it.
Im surrounded by people i dont want to talk to.
and a place i don't want to live in.
its not the nightmare im afraid of so much its that I'll never get to escape.
The only way out, is to go back and go threw what I've been running from.
but what if i can't do that, does that mean im stuck in the nightmare intill i die ?

scream.

I cannot do this.I sometimes wonder what would happen if i did.
could i stop, Could i have enough self control in me to make me stop.
this is why i cannot do this, I don't trust my self control enough to stop let alone start.

hrmf.

I have no motivation to write my blogs anymore.
fuck you person
you ruined something good i had going on.
fuck you person
you ruined a perfectly good night
fuck you person
you made me ring my best friend because I promised him i would tell him everything thats going on now.
fuck you person
you may of just started what happened 6 months ago happen again.
fuck you person.

birds.

So were supposed to resemble birds right ?
So are we supposed to fly away
from every nightmare we've ever been threw.
are we supposed to spread our wings and show everyone whos ever put us down that were good enough.

if were supposed to resemble birds,
who has done this ?
who has spread their wings and gone away from all the bad that's happened.
im sure if we were all birds, we'd all be in the air still running.

I'm sorry.

im not good enough.

nothing.

nothing feels safe anymore without you.
I search for you in crowds thinking you'll suddenly appear
but its impossible for that to happen,because your gone,never to come back again.
so why do i keep searching for you
is it because i miss you
is it because i feel so unprotected
or is it because i still believe your here even though I've been told your gone.

I love you

i honestly do.

bodies and minds.

Our bodies and minds are programmed so that we don't go far away,
that we have to know where we are and what were doing
but what if we just kept on walking,leaving those thoughts behind, not knowing
where were going, not knowing of whats yet to come, is it possible that we could actually like where we end up, if we did this.

I wonder

I wonder if i spoke, would you hear me.
I wonder if i told the truth, would you believe me.
I wonder if i showed you, would you be horrified.
I wonder if i let people in, would i still have everyone i have now.
I wonder if i kept on walking, would anyone follow me.
I wonder if i stopped speaking, would anyone notice.
I wonder if i just packet up and left, would anyone ask where i was going.
I wonder if i spoke my mind, would anyone listen to me.
I wonder if i died, Would anyone remember me.
I wonder if i told you i love you, would you still be my friend.
I wonder if i disappeared, would you notice im not around anymore.
I wonder if i was happy, would you notice the change.